Chemicals

by Donny Zuzula

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    Chemicals 12" Vinyl LP in Sleeve with original artwork by Dylan McConnell

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1.
Alive 03:57
You were like a satellite Flying high and you catch the light Above us all you we see you though As you pass we watch you from below Through the thick of it all Even though you lost control And hurdled like missile to the ground You made a beautiful sound (crash) You never let it go And you never let it show You fought and fought it to the end You never ever went without a friend Seems like most of the time The signs all point to exits But to exist you can’t follow them all Preparing yourself for a great big fall And when they push you to the ground And drag you out kicking and screaming Do not let go of this feeling It’s what it is to feel Alive Alive It is that feeling that feeling is just being Alive alive alive alive And now without you here There is a sense of fear That we could lose it any time You’re gone so loved We can’t be far behind With no one here to fill your role You’re gone and there's hole And in it there’s just nothing Yeah there's nothing Seems like most of the time The signs all point to exits But to exist you can’t follow them all Preparing yourself for a great big fall And when they push you to the ground And drag you out kicking and screaming Do not let go of this feeling It’s what it is to feel Alive Alive It is that feeling that feeling is just being Alive alive alive alive
2.
Another Shot 02:01
I crossed a line today I went from safety to concern I marched an army through my mind Climbed a hill to watch it burn And I’m alive I am alive but I’m not well Raze this city to the ground Cleanse my mind of this living hell I want to sleep For weeks and weeks Chemicals to help me keep The memories like stinging rain Another shot could kill the pain And if I die before I wake Be sure I have a proper wake Let them say what they will say Another whiskey kills the pain I crossed a line today I marched to battle and on my way It’s just a memory But feels like it’s all happening again And I’m alive I can assure you not for long We only rent this space And turn to dirt as soon as we are gone I want to sleep For weeks and weeks Chemicals to help me keep The memories like stinging rain Another Whiskey kills the pain
3.
Sitting at a table all alone a candle breaks the night and in this glass is shown the reflection of the flame as it flickers in the darkness in the gin that semi fills it as I drink it all alone all alone and I’m thinking about the way it used to be how the world was so much nicer when it was just you and me and my thoughts have turned to sadness as I’m left here on my own and the gin still kind of fills the glass as I drink it all alone all alone could things be any different no they can never be the same as I’m looking at your picture I faintly speak your name I remember all the places and the faces that had been and I find myself avoiding all the things I want to say because it will not make a difference it’ll just cause me more pain and I can never find the nerve it won’t matter any way AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH You can never go back in the end AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH You can never go back in the end and the teardrops that run down from my eyes they fall for all the memories of friends I left behind some have faltered some have fallen and some that I have failed some a name upon a wall where widows cry and wail and you’ll be a painful memory till they all forget your name and it won’t have any meaning in a distant future day just a name of a man who died long ago and I find myself avoiding all the things I want to say because it will not make a difference it’ll just cause me more pain and I can never find the nerve it won’t matter any way AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH You can never go back in the end AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH You can never go back in the end AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH You can never go back in the end AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH You can never go back in the end
4.
Empty Like this glass I'll pour another one think about the past Still empty And again Up until this bottle's gone it’ll be my dearest friend Living the high life Still has it's highs And the lows from your site are gone You can't wash away a hole That gets bigger with the flow It's empty I'm all done Oh It's empty I'm all done I’m empty because you’ve gone you took your love away and I’m alone Empty tears fall like rain until this whiskey fills me up again Living the high life Still has it's highs And the lows from your site are gone You can't wash away a hole That gets bigger with the flow It's empty I'm all done Oh It's empty and you’re gone Empty Now there’s a hole Can’t see the bottom on What once was full So empty For good or bad I’ll drink away the memories Of what we had
5.
Looking back I never understood how things didn’t turn out how you thought they would and so in your mind you just want to quit you put up a front and the pain it builds I just don’t want to take another breath in this world that’s how I feel some days and I know I don’t belong here but here I am I’m there and out of place and don’t even get me started I’ve got nothing left to say theres lots of times oh yes there are when I feel lost and count the stars look to the sky to help me out and point me north when I am lost you just don’t want to take another breath in this world that’s how you feel some days and you know you don’t belong here but here you are here and out of place and don’t even get me started I’ve got nothing left to say We just don’t want to take another breath in this world that’s how we feel some days and we know we don’t belong here but here we are here and out of place and don’t even get me started I’ve got nothing left to say
6.
I see the difference but just not clearly it feels like I’m fighting for breath and the weight of the world is coming down and crushing on my chest and my skin is crawling the tension coils my mind up like a spring and if it's wound up tight enough It's gonna crash into a million pieces I shouldn't have to learn the hard way Not to run through the poppy fields With a loaded gun shoved in my mouth I’ve lost control is what I’m screaming out It's getting awful late And my urge to medicate Has surpassed my will to use the skills That keep me from the bottom of the bottle I guess that’s where I’m going It's just like any other day And I’m alone here I mean there’s lots of people but no one really looks at me with understanding All I feel is remorse and all the sympathy it’s sure just a load of shit don’t thank me for my service Fuck It’s hard enough to deal with all of it I shouldn't have to learn the hard way Not to run through the poppy fields With a loaded gun shoved in my mouth I’ve Lost control is what I’m screaming out It's getting awful late And my urge to medicate Has surpassed my will to use the skills That keep me from the bottom of the bottle I guess that’s where I’m going Like every other day
7.
Turn Away 05:55
You've swallowed your emotions For so many years That there's nothing but rage But you wish there were tears Your numbness Your distance You've fronted as strength You keep those you love Just outside an arms length Your models of heroes We're cold hearted fools Who hid from their lives Behind bottles of booze And a backhand came quicker Than the words I love you however you try it's the one thing you can’t do turn away see the life that you've made There's love left in your heart You won't show it salvation comes in their hands and you know it Don’t turn away see the ones you’ve betrayed you’ve hardened your heart and you know it but you just don’t understand so you'll stay a heavy hearted man and in thirty odd years if your still alive and carrying the carcass of your soul that died you can go to that your place where your heroes would hide propped up on a stool numbing your failure one glass at a time turn away see the life that you've made There's love left in your heart You won't show it salvation comes in their hands and you know it Don’t turn away see the ones you’ve betrayed you’ve hardened your heart and you know it but you just don’t understand so you'll stay a heavy hearted man when you’re all gone buried deep in the ground where theres no sun light, no wind no rain and no sound with just a stone marker where your corpse can be found no one will mourn you when you’re not around you’ve pushed them away cause your love’s run aground turn away see the life that you've made There's love left in your heart You won't show it salvation comes in their hands and you know it Don’t turn away see the ones you’ve betrayed you’ve hardened your heart and you know it but you just don’t understand so you'll stay a heavy hearted man
8.
the morning is coming it’s 6 am and this night disappeared and it’s happened again when that old demon come to visit me when that old green bottle is my only friend my mind is clouded not by hopes and dreams but by thought of this world going on without me and the people that I’ve hurt and the things that I’ve seen I take another drink and in my mind I scream and I don’t know why and I don’t know when but that bottle is always there for me when I need a friend and I can’t speak to you cause you won’t understand yeah that bottle sits and listens till I empty it again I tell that bottle all my hopes and my dreams I tell that bottle all that's happened to me I tell that bottle the way that I really feel that bottle understands me in a way you never will my heart is racing as I lay in my bed and the images flash into my head and I sit and think about all the things I did and I stare at the ceiling and I’m gasping for air Cause my mind is clouded with the days of old and my chest is pounding and the sweat makes me cold and thrash in my covers as they tighten their hold so I climb out of bed for a drink once more
9.
Chemicals 05:46
You know these pills are easy they’re giving them away I just call the doctor I pick em up that day when I’m feeling down I have another round They get me back up on my feet again I tell you whiskey is easy it takes bad dreams away when the guy in the mirror won’t look away you can drink it up until you’ve had enough and you wake up and you do it all again Oh what’s the point anymore What am I living for Do I know anymore Oh it feels like such a chore But the chemicals they keep me hanging round You know that needle's is easy it takes away the pain when the doctor takes away the pills you can go and see a different man when you can’t ride it out with out a doubt it’ll get you back up on your feet again Oh what’s the point anymore What am I living for Do I know anymore Oh it feels like such a chore But the chemicals they keep me hanging round Checking out is easy when you live in pain when you’re life is a terrible dream and you can’t face another day just one click it’ll do the trick and everything is gonna be ok Oh what’s the point anymore What am I living for Do I know anymore Oh it feels like such a chore But the chemicals they keep me hanging round

credits

released August 1, 2019

Donny Zuzula - Guitars, Vocals
Andy Reed - Bass, Keys
Donny Brown - Percussion

Engineered and Produced by Andy Reed at Reed Recording Company

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Donny Zuzula Bay City, Michigan

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